Harry Potter and the Glorious Broomstick
by Catatonic Muse
Summary: Crackfic. Ron really wants to touch Harry's broomstick, Harry isn't sure that is appropriate. Seamus overhears the conversation. Hilarity ensues.


Yet again, this story is dedicated to my wonderful brother. Thanks so much for kicking me out.

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**Harry Potter and the Glorious Broomstick**

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"_Please_ let me touch your broom handle?" Ron's voice drifted out into the corridor. Seamus, on his way back into the dormitory, paused. Surely he couldn't have heard correctly. Perhaps Harry had gotten a new broom over break...yes, that _had_ to be it. Certainly couldn't mean anything...odd by his comment, could he?

"I don't know." Harry said skeptically. "I really wouldn't feel comfortable with that."

"Come ON!" Ron said, exasperated. "What do you think best friends are for? Please, just let me touch it. Just once. Maybe shine it a little..."

Seamus choked on his saliva. But, really now. This was _Ron_. He was completely oblivious at the best of times.

"Really, there's no need to make such a big deal out of it. Fred and George let me do it all the time. Don't worry, I'm very experienced. Just hand it here!" Ron's voice was beginning to sound petulant.

"Ron! Really, stop. Besides, you touched it a bunch at the Burrow. We're in a dormitory. Other people could _see_."

"Don't worry about it. They'll all find out soon enough." Ron said.

"But what about the Slytherins-" Harry was cut off.

"I don't care what they think. It's not like a Gryffindor will tell them, though. We all love you, no matter what." Ron was being unusually supportive.

As he continued to listen, Seamus's eyes got bigger and bigger. He couldn't believe this. Harry-bloody-Potter was a broom-crosser? He wanted nothing more than to run away, but he really did need to get into the dormitory, and was afraid that they would hear and realize that he knew their secret.

"Fine. I'll take it out." Harry said, sighing.

Seamus waited with baited breath. This wasn't happening, this wasn't happening, this-wasn't-happening!

Ron yelped. "Harry, that's not how you handle it! You must treat it with _respect_. And the broom tail really needs to be better groomed for smooth flight. Here, give me the clippers. Honestly, you couldn't go out in public with this thing. What _would _you do without me?"

"Ron." Harry sounded rather strangled. "Can you _please_ take the clippers away from it? I'm feeling _really_ uncomfortable. What if you miss? You could seriously hurt it."

Seamus decided that he really didn't want to hear what would happen if the situation was allowed to progress any further. He took a deep breath, turned the door handle, and strode into the dormitory. The first thing he saw was Ron kneeling down in front of Harry. Seamus turned away from the scene quickly. "Really, you two. Could you put that thing _away_?" Why did he have to live with these two? They'd be a horror in a few years, what with hormones and all that.

"Sorry, Seamus. I didn't realize you'd be bothered-"Harry said quickly, at the same time that Ron said, "You see, Harry got a Firebolt for Christmas and I just-"

"A _Firebolt!_ Really, Harry, you have all the luck!" It was with no small amount of relief that Seamus approached Harry and Ron and the glorious broom.

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A few seconds later, Neville approached the dormitory. He was knackered, and couldn't wait to have a bit of a lie-in. His thoughts were interrupted by a commotion from within the dormitory.

"_Please_ let me touch your broom handle, Harry?" Seamus's voice asked from inside the room. "I've never seen one so...big before."

Neville choked. Seamus wasn't muggleborn—he had to know...

"Hey! I asked first! You're just jealous because I saw it first and even got to trim the tail." Ron sounded put out.

"Can you guys stop arguing over my broom handle?" Harry asked crossly. "You've already made a mess as it is."

Great Merlin! Neville thought. In all good conscience, he couldn't let this go any further. He threw open the door. "You want to do WHAT to Harry's broom handle?" He asked loudly.

Silence met his arrival.

"But only because it's shiny!" Ron said quickly.

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**Thanks for reading!  
**


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